Did you know your ceremony doesn’t have to follow any specific rules?! Finding ways to make your ceremony feel like it truly honours you as a couple is one of the things that gives the ceremony weight and importance in your memories. This is one way I can help when you book with me. I know the right questions to ask to get you thinking about what would have meaning for you and I’m always available to help you brainstorm. I’ve seen some really magical symbolic gestures that have broken tradition in the name of romance so here is a list of some ideas:


Walking down the aisle together (or alone or some other aisle variant)

This is an easy one. You're a united team. You built this relationship together. Gone are the days women were thought of as property - one man handing her to another - a couple can get creative with how they want to enter

the ceremony space. I have seen couples come in together, each walk separately and alone but meet at the top, a couple (who got married on the beach) draw a circle in the sand with a stick and step in it at the same time. Some have their siblings walk with them, their mothers or best friends. There are lots of ways you can approach an aisle walk; don't get hung up on how it "should" be and think more about what feels representative to your life as it is.


Invite everyone to take shoes off and put on slippers

Are you "no shoes" people? Do you feel more grounded and connected without shoes on? You're allowed to invite your witnesses, your audience, your celebrant to take their shoes off and join you!


Sage or burn a candle before the ceremony to cleanse the space

If you have 'woo woo' tendencies and want to invite in good energies before your ceremony then saging might be for you!


Handfasting

Handfasting is my favourite Scottish tradition. It's ancient and still practiced in most Scottish ceremonies today. Originally the celebrant would tie a knot around both hands during a marriage or engagement but these days couples often bring two bits of fabric - one representing each person (for my wedding we brought in three, one for me, one for Ste and one for our daughter. The promise was being made to all of us) and the celebrant can help tie the fabric or they can place the fabric in a lose knot and the couple can pull it tight. This tradition is literally where we get the saying "tie the knot" from.


Quaich 

Another Scottish tradition - this one is quite fun. Often referred to as the 'love cup' a quaich comes with two handles - one for each person to hold and the couple choose two people to pour (what is usually) whisky into the cup and then they each take a sip. It symbolises trust and union.


Read a poem/short story/ letter to each other/ quotes from favourite books or tv

These are the moments where tears usually flow. Meaningful words pack a punch in a ceremony and it doesn't have to be something you wrote yourself. Sometimes our favourite books, songs, poems and TV shows say it better than we can on our own. Ste and I almost included David’s wedding speech from Schitt’s Creek in our ceremony; in the end I read a poem called I climb into my bathtub by Maria Giesbrecht and I sobbed the whole way through it. It was magic.


Exchange something other than rings

This is a big one. A lot of people take rings for granted in a ceremony but they are not and never have been a requirement. Ste and I exchanged rings but put the ring on our own fingers, rather than on each other's fingers. You could also choose to be rid of the rings entirely and in their place could be anything of significance (or silliness if that's your flavour). My Scottish pal and celebrant, Ronit, came up with a beautiful exchange for two women: violets. Historically, when homosexuality was illegal, lesbians would wear violets to signify to other lesbians that they were queer and safe. Now, in ceremonies all over Scotland (and hopefully one day, the world) women marrying women exchange violets in their ceremony but this time, not in secret. This time proudly and joyfully in front of people who love them.


Oathing stone

Another Scottish tradition - this one is where the phrase "set it in stone" comes from. You take a stone of your choice (my daughter chose ours for our ceremony) and each hold it as you say your vows - almost like you are embedding the vows into the rock. This symbolises the unbreakable nature of your vows, just as the stone is unbreakable.


Other ways to include kids:

let them do a reading, coloured glass or sand ceremony, exchange a third ring with your child. There are lots of ways to include children in the ceremony and they give the event such an added layer of sentimentality.


Warming of the rings

Take the rings and ask your guests to pass it around, each taking a moment to hold them in their hands and wish you love and joy on your adventure.


Leave personal vows until later

This is a good one if one of you is a shy guy. You don't have to do meaningful personal vows in front of people - you can hold that bit until after and do it in private where it can feel intimate and personal.


Doing a candle lighting ceremony to honour people you wish were there

A lot of people have ceremonies that are missing someone important. It's ok to take time to honour those people and a beautiful way to do that is in a candle lighting ceremony.


If it’s a small ceremony you can have everyone say something

You can invite each guest to speak on what they they love about your love, or offer a blessing for your marriage


Invite a friend to sing

I saw this in a very intimate elopement where one of the witnesses sang for the couple after their ceremony. It was beautiful and gentle and there wasn't a dry eye!


Include your pets!

ring bearer, walk you down the aisle, sit on someone's lap and just be in the audience.... however you want them involved don't be afraid to include them! You'd miss them if they weren't there. Just make sure you have people who can look after them while you're on hosting and photo duties.


Other things to think about might be your culture and background and significant traditions in your family. Who you want to include in the ceremony: kids? Parents? Besties? What speaks to them?

What kind of people are you? Do you like to keep it fun and silly or earnest and sentimental?

This ceremony is about you, your love, your relationship, your joy - it’s worth thinking about how you want to honour that!